It's just one of those days. Next month is Alex's birthday, he would have been 8 years old. He wanted to have his party at Planet Play with his family and friends. He loved golf and wanted to play the mini golf that is in the dark and everything glows. I wanted him to do it last year. He didn't feel up to it and said he would just do it on his next birthday. I was too afraid to tell him that most likely this would be his last. I was also hoping so badly it wouldn't be. So, here I am sitting and typing on this blog, a complete mess because I should be planning a birthday party for a very excited little boy. Not trying to decide what to do to celebrate his life at his grave.
It will be a year in April since I last hugged and kissed my baby boy good-bye. It is in no way getting easier. Time will not heal this wound. Every day that passes is another day longer I have been without Alex.
I know this post is so depressing. I feel like I should be able say something inspiring to help others and I just can't.
You are entitled to your sadness, depression, loss. I wish I could say or do something to help but I know that nothing will make this better. So just know we love y'all and are always thinking and praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteI too remember him saying he wanted to do it next year -- and thinking the same thing as you did. And that Christmas 2012 was his best Christmas ever, and wondering if that was his last one too. It is a wound that will never heal, but I hope it gets better for you. Alex was so blessed to be sent to you and Andrew!
ReplyDelete"The Mimi" Barbara Bray