I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in these shoes.

I saw this post and felt like I can really relate to it today.  I don't want to forever walk in these shoes.  I feel so tired and we have barely begun fighting.  I HATE cancer!  I hate what it is doing to Alex and the whole family.  I hate that Alex is missing out on simple fun things that he would normally be doing.  I want so badly for it to just go away and have everything back to normal again.  

Pictures of the last day of radiation

Last day of radiation!

This morning was very exciting. It was the end of lots of days of radiation. Alex was very happy and even spoke to the wonderful radiation therapist and nurses. Which was a first.  They are so great there and made him smile everyday but could not get him to say a thing, until today. Alex got to ring the bell to celebrate the last day of radiation and pick a prize!  They even let him do the remote to control the table and machine.  That was lots of fun! The nurses in recovery gave him a cute teddy bear. He gets a month off treatments and we are so excited and hope he feels good,  is able to play and have lots of fun!

A good weekend

Alex has had a good weekend with his eating. He knows about the possibility of getting a feeding tube and has done a great job the past few days. As a result his energy level is up and his balance has been much better. He's even gotten a couple hours in on the Wii today which is like the old Alex. This week we head down the home stretch of radiation and chemo treatments. We don't know what's to come beyond this but it will be nice to hopefully have a breather from hospitals for a while. Alex is an amazing kid and we love him very much! Thank you all once again for your support and prayers.

Here are a few pics of Alex. The first one he is at clinic building a rocket, 2nd one he is eating and watching a movie while getting a blood transfusion, the last picture of Alex and baby Liv

We just found out that we are further along with the treatments than we thought.  There are 6 more treatments left! We are pretty excited about that. A couple weeks after the treatments end they will do scans to see where we are at.  I guess the radiation continues to work for a couple of weeks after going, hopefully there will be nothing there to see!
We have started seeing signs of the radiation.  The most obvious is the loss of his hair.  He also has some burns from the radiation.  It started off looking kind of tan, then sunburn.  Now it is itchy and peeling.  Alex started getting headaches when he went off the steroids so they have put him back on those and it has helped.  He has a hard time eating as well.  It is a combination of things making it hard for him.  The radiation, chemo as well as the paralysis of his throat have made it difficult for him. The lack of food has left him very weak and has a hard time walking. We have to see how he does this weekend and then decide on whether he should have a feeding tube.
In a few weeks there will be a fundraising event in Bountiful, UT that Jake Kobielusz and his friends at DFS are doing a Crossfit workout in honor of Alex.  It sounds like one incredibly, tough workout!  A HUGE thank you to all who have put in their work and time into it and friends who are also going.  They also created a really cool shirt.  Alex is really excited about it and we are all planning on being there on February 2nd!

Jan 6, 2013 Update

Alex is about half way through his radiation treatments.  He has managed to avoid getting any infections thus far and let's hope he continues on this path.  His blood counts are low enough that he had to have a blood transfusion on Friday.  He was not at a particularly dangerous level but they like the numbers to be above a certain point to maximize the effect of the radiation.  The transfusion was not a big deal.  He did great and it only took a couple hours.  He actually didn't want to leave the hospital because he could order whatever he wanted from room service.  They have put him back on a low dose of the steroid because he started to get headaches and nausea, which can result after coming off the steroid or could be from swelling at the tumor site.  This has gotten better since going back on the steroid.  They have also changed the radiation treatment.  Previously they had been treating the whole brain and spinal cord and now they have switched it to focus on just the tumor areas.  Alex and James got to go see a special screening of The Hobbit on Saturday with the Hope Kids Foundation.  This was a lot of fun.  Alex remains in good sprits through everything.  His energy is low most of the time but he continues to make us laugh.

Alex's little brother Charlie loves kissing Alex head. He does it any chance he gets.